Feel stuck in fight or flight? Try these.

Whether you experienced a one-time scary experience like a car accident or were exposed to frequent fights or outbursts from your parents, your nervous system may be “stuck” in fight or flight and be keeping you hypervigilant long after the event ended.

Our nervous systems do this because they think they have to in order to keep you alive and that’s all they give a crap about, your perceived safety and potential threats. 

And it doesn’t matter if you tell yourself 29,037 times that, “It’s over, you’re fine, you’re not going to get into an accident every time you’re in a car, mom and dad are dead.”

If you’re not tending to the root fear of your nervous system then you’re basically just putting a Smurfs bandaid on a gushing wound.

Your system keeps you bracing, guarded, anxious, and on alert for the next possible crash or loud noise.

This does not mean you’re screwed for life and can never feel or behave any differently!

Far from it!

I used to think I was going to “have anxiety” until the day I died. I was even “diagnosed” with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Well no shit I experienced a lot of anxiety. My parents were alcoholics, they yelled a lot, and my mom had Huntington’s Disease which caused her to have bursts of anger.

My nervous system was doing exactly what it was designed to do! Warn me about potential danger and keep me on high alert.

I didn’t have a disorder, I had a normal response to a harsh environment and I think it’s really important to look at the big picture before you or anyone else slaps a life-long label on you!

Ok, so how do you start to work with your nervous system and show it a little compassion, support, and love if it’s similar to mine?

Lemme walk you though my science-based thoughts and actions that have helped me go from, “EVERYTHING IS AN EMERGENCY!” and not being able to sit and relax for more than 5 minutes, to “Let’s pause and calmly see what’s going on and decide how we’re going to proceed cuz I can figure it out…” and being able to be present with my family as we spend time together doing whatever.

This doesn’t mean that my nervous system doesn’t “respond” and I never freak out. That isn’t my goal. 

My goal is for my nervous system to have a “realistic” response to a situation and then come back to its baseline instead of staying stuck on the HIGH setting 24/7. If a bird is dive-bombing me in our backyard, I want it to sense it and have me duck. (This really happened and I ducked before I even registered what happened, LOL.)

I do things that work with my nervous system and not against it because we’re not broken and we’re sure as hell not alone!

I’m not trying to stop its response or make anything go away. I tried for decades to no avail and only suffered more.

First, I pause and take at least one deep long breath all the way down to my toes and all the way out.

Then I look straight ahead and slowly turn my head to the right and go as far back as my neck will allow. Then I return my gaze to the front.

Then I slowly turn my head to the left and go as far back as my neck will allow and then return my gaze to the front.

This simple and free nervous system “treat/snack” shows your primitive brain that there are no tigers, bears, or fighting parents in your space. 

It gives your primitive brain proof and evidence that you are safe in this moment and that’s exactly what it needs and wants. 

The more we do this small practice, the more you grow your nervous system’s sense of internal safety instead of having it stuck on, “I’M NOT SAFE!!” The more you’ll come out of fight/flight, be less reactionary, and more able to relax and have fun with yourself and people.

The next treat/snack I give my system is asking the question, “Am I safe enough in this moment?”

Because maybe I’m at a fun concert but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed with all the people. Asking myself if I’m safe enough puts my brain to work scanning for proof and evidence of my safety and helps me see that I can feel both a little overwhelmed AND safe.

You can do these practices anywhere, they’re free, and most importantly, THEY WORK!

I invite you to start right now. Try ‘em both.

Set your phone’s alarm to do them a few times a day because repetition builds internal safety which means less saying yes when you’d rather say no, it means reaching out to that cool person you’d like to have coffee with, it means making time for a date night with your partner, it means looking for a new job because this one is slowly killing your soul, it means, signing up for that art class you’ve talked about for 7 months, it means leaving a relationship you know isn’t going where you want it to, it means less anxiety and more fun.

You got this, Sunshine and I’ve always got your back!