It’s “normal” and common to carry everything with us.

For example, we were traveling to Washington state this past Saturday - Tuesday and didn’t get home from the airport until midnight on Tuesday.

Wednesday I had a super fun bookclub after working with my awesome clients.

Thursday we had a Fever game after client appointments.

Friday we met with a group of friends for burgers and beverages at The Red Key.

And Saturday I got to celebrate a high school graduate after seeing clients.

It would’ve been very easy to piss and moan about having a “busy” week and “carry” all the upcoming events with me.

One of the hardest things about losing someone is that you can’t pick up the phone and ask them questions.

I can’t ask my dad about a family recipe, his childhood experiences, or his opinion about something (althought he was great at unsolicited advice that I never took, LOL).

I can’t ask my mom about her mom’s side of the family which I know very little about and it’s a bummer.

Our choice of words and their repetition are more powerful than we give them credit for.

What we think on repeat creates the life we have because we are creative beings with more power than we’re willing, or brave enough, to acknowledge.

We think we’re the victims of our circumstances, and yes, shitty things happen, but you still have power over how you think about them and how you respond.

Start by noticing your “I am” statements, or because I like contractions, your “I’m” statements, LOL.

Sully and I went to Costco yesterday to fill our gas tanks, get a pepperoni pizza from the food court (OMG, so yummy!), and a few other essentials (like walleye, vodka, and probiotics, LOL).

While we were searching for the ranch dressing we ran into a friend who just retired.

It was so great to see her and catch up for a second. 

We told her about our upcoming trip to the Gorge to see Brandi Carlile and the Highwomen and she mentioned that she just wants to be happy now that she’s retired.

And I totally get that.

Sometimes the next right thing is to leave the job, make friends, or get back to doing some cardio and having smaller servings of nightly ice cream.

The phone that’s in your hand or near you started with a thought. Something like, “Hey, wouldn’t it be amazing if every device was consolidated into one that you could easily carry around?!”

Our two dogs started with the thought, “Let’s get a/another dog.”

Same-sex marriage exists, because people thought it should and worked really hard to make it so.

The stickers covering my water bottle and travel coffee mug are there because people had the idea that their images and funny phrases should be made into stickers.

Systems of oppression exist because too many people think and believe they should, and not enough of us are taking steps to undo them.

I have a super fun addiction that takes a lot of effort to not let it run wild!

I can’t help myself and I give into it any chance I get!

My hand takes on a mind of its own and all of a sudden I’m doing the thing without even noticing it.

And I’ll never stop because it brings me so much joy and makes the world a prettier place.

I’m addicted to deadheading flowers and plants!

If a bloom or leaf is dead, I’m picking it off.

It served it’s beatuiful purpose and now it’s time to remove it with gratitude.

That also sums up the work I do with my coaching and energy work clients.

There is a profound, bone-deep fatigue that rarely gets talked about in the open. For decades, you navigated hardships, solved crises, and weathered storms. You did this under the unspoken assumption that if you just worked hard enough, you would eventually reach a quiet plateau—a finish line where nothing else would go wrong.

I have a visceral aversion to the word perfect because it’s complete and utter bullshit.

It sets us up for frustration and shame when we try to attain something that’s, wait for it…unattainable and impossible!

And we keep trying to make everything perfect because we subconsciously believe the lie that we’ll be happier or ok when things are perfect. 

How heavy is it?

How crushing is it to carry around every day?

How much do you let it make you feel like shit?

Then add on the shame and blame and you have a few semitrucks on your back and on your mind.

We’ve all been there.

We want something for someone more than they do.

And those somethings are all over the place.

They could be a better job, a happier relationship, better health, stopping smoking or drinking too much. 

They could be better grades, friends who show up, boundaries they follow through on, a more adventurous life, or a more flattering wardrobe.

So we have conversations, make suggestions, beg, plead, give ultimatums, make boundaries we don’t stick to, or offer unsolicited advice.

My coaching clients often share about how bad they feel about themselves.

It can be anywhere from getting down on themselves about something they said or did to their spouse or kids, to ruminating about a conversation at a party, to downright shame and hatred that lingers like a dark cloud.

One client shared that she felt awful about herself because she was let go from her job. Her brain made it mean that something must be wrong with her that they let her go. That she didn’t do enough or lacked in some way she could not figure out even though she was wracking her brain endlessly.

We are mammals.

Sure, we have some additional parts to our brains that make us different from other mammals, but we’re mammals nonetheless.

One super duper important behavior that’s vital to our mental and physical health, has been socialized out of us and we’re suffering unnecessarily.

That behavior is completing the stress cycle.

I’m one of those awesome weirdos who loves to declutter, aka, editing, and organize!

It’s one of my superpowers. (And I never judge when I’m helping someone else fyi!)

It started in 5th grade…

You know the hour well.

It usually happens when the rest of the house is finally quiet. The doors are locked. Everyone you love is safe in their beds.

But you are not safe. You are wide open.

While your body is lying in the safety of your bedroom, your mind is miles away, fighting a war that hasn't started yet.

One of the first questions I encourage my clients to begin asking themselves is, “Do you like your reasons?”

It can apply to everything.

And can help you make decisions.

Whether to start something.

Or stop something.

If you’re on the fence just ask yourself, “Do I like my reasons?”

Let’s talk about something no one likes to talk about but something we all will, or have, experienced.

Grief.

Losing someone or something we love. We feel grief about way more things and experiences than this, and that’s for another post.

Here are my suggestions if you know someone who’s lost someone or pet. I know you mean well and you’re intentions are good, but the impact can be not so good…

Our normal brains are wired to scan for danger.

That’s one of the things that’s kept our species around this long.

Without our conscious awareness, our brain scans every space we walk into, even our own home that we’ve lived in for 12 years. 

Our primitive brain scans for lions, tigers, and bears.

And if you grew up in a home with any dysfunction or instability, your “detector” might be extra “detect-y” like mine.

I was checking facial expressions, tone, volume, and body language of, well everyone, cuz, safety first…

One of the best ways to get unstuck is to drop the damn story.

Our brains are meaning making machines, and they do it in order to try to make sense of our world because they hate uncertainty because uncertainty = potential threat to our lives.

But unfortunately the story is often wrong (it’s nearly impossible to know the “truth” about something or someone) and we stay stuck in the story and wind up letting it run and ruin our lives.

Part of the reason we hold onto the story for so long is that we believe if we can just understand (read think and figure it out) we’ll fix the situation or feel better about it.

About 40% of the female population have heterogeniously dense breasts.

Because of this density, an annual mammogram may not be cutting the mustard.

 A potential spot of cancer can easily “hide” among the tissue.

I’ve had an annual mammogram since I was 40, I’m 51 now.

When I got my letter after each mammogram saying that nothing was detected, I breathed a big sigh of relief and filed it away until it was time to schedule next year’s.

I have struggled with not feeling enough my whole life.

And I know you have too.

I hear it all the time from friends, massage and coaching clients, strangers who I’ve struck up convos with.

It’s almost like society, the patriarchy, huge companies selling products (read: promises of a better life) want you to feel like crap about yourself…

Because if you feel like crap about yourself, they have power over you and then we give them our money because they promise to “fix” this problem for us and then we’ll finally feel ok about ourselves.