Self-trust is the missing key

It’s ok to change your mind about that thing that’s weighing on your mind and heart.

You have permission to reevaluate a friendship that’s all take and no give.

It’s ok to say, “This thing isn’t working for me this way anymore,” and take a beat to figure out your next step.

Just because you’ve been doing something one way for a hot minute, doesn’t mean you have to do it that way for the rest of your life until you die.

It’s ok that I ‘ve had an on-again-off-again relationship with sugar and/or alcohol for years, and now that I’m trusting myself in ways I never have, I’m figuring out what’s next.

This has been a small but huge shift for me that I didn’t see coming.

I kind of started with the “Best Chocolate Chip Cookie” recipe I received from chef Erin French of The Lost Kitchen.

But looking back a little further, it really started when I began taking small and frequent steps to listen to, and TRUST, what I wanted in and out of my one precious life.

If you were socialized as a woman, you’re subtly, and not-so-subtly, taught to ignore and not trust your impulses and wants.

For example:

We ignore and don’t trust our hunger or fullness queues. So much so that we don’t eat when  we’re hungry and don’t want to stop when we’re full.

I used to not keep cookies and ice cream in the house because I was “afraid I’d eat it all!” and, “I couldn’t trust myself around them.”

It makes me so sad to think of all the time and energy I spent living like that. 

Thinking and feeling those ways about myself… (not anymore though)

No wonder we feel like crap about ourselves…

We didn’t like how a little boy treated us in elementary school but an adult said they teased us because they liked us so we quit listening to our internal guide about what felt safe and acceptable.

A friendship we’ve had for years isn’t feeling good anymore. All take and no give, but we ignore our internal reactions to their invite to meet up, and do anyway to “keep the peace.” Whose peace is being kept? Not yours.

Like a lot of women, I’ve had a complicated relationship with sweets and alcohol. 

Sometimes having them in my life to soothe myself, sometimes swearing them off, and now having a “I can take them or leave them,” relationship, which I never thought possible.

Looking back over the last handful of months, I see that the kitten steps I’ve taken to trust myself have been the missing key to small but mighty shifts in my life.

We’re trained to look outside ourselves for all our answers, reassurances, feelings of ok-ness, and love.

We put all our eggs in baskets that aren’t capable of, or supposed to meet all our needs; and then we think we’re broken or there’s something wrong with our relationships because the outside isn’t meeting our expectations or fixing us.

(We don’t need to be fixed because we’re not broken. We just have some things backwards and they can be tweaked.)

*We’re looking in the wrong places for things that will never be found there.*

I want to throw up in my mouth even thinking about typing the following sentence but I’m going to do it anyway because it’s true.

Getting where you want to go in life starts with slowly, and 1% more compassion, listening to the voice inside you. 

The voice that WILL tell you what to do, which direction to go, what you want, what you need, what works and doesn’t.

I *know* it’s there because it can never be destroyed.

No matter what.

Its volume got turned way down but it’s still there!

I pinky promise!

When we begin to rebuild trust with ourselves: we begin to make and keep boundaries that keep us from throat punching people, eat and enjoy the cupcake, look for a job where we’re appreciated, ask our spouse to come with us to the scary appointment, take the pottery class we’ve dreamed of taking for 13 years, enjoy the mango cider without it turning into “a thing” like it used to, pass on attending a wedding where your “lifestyle” isn’t accepted.

At some point the pain of ignoring your inner voice gets stronger than the discomfort of potentially disappointing or losing someone.

The choice is always yours.

Please choose you!

I believe in you!