Our self-image is a choice

There were a few different elementary schools that fed into our middle school and the one I went to was in the lowest income part of Fargo. 

I never thought less of anyone I went to school with but I sure had money thoughts about me and my family.

And those thoughts have been in the background of my mind for decades creating my financial results.

Some were conscious thoughts and others were unconscious that I didn’t realize until years later.

The thought pot pourri consisted of lies like, “Having less money means I am less than…, Kids that go to Lincoln Elementary are better than me and don’t have any problems, Having name brand clothes and accessories means you're special and important.”

My most pervasive thoughts were that I was less than because we had less money than other families and that money meant you had a perfect life.

That “less than” thought was so sticky and back then and because I had that thought on hyper repeat, it became a part of my identity.

I didn’t know to question it or how to start teasing it apart.

I had that thought which created shitty feelings about myself and from those feelings I made subpar choices.

Choices like overeating to try to soothe myself, staying in unhealthy relationships because I didn’t feel like I deserved better, buying crap because I thought it would make me feel better about myself, and exercising as a form of punishment because I hated my body because of the extra weight from overeating.

Unbeknownst to me I was in an unhelpful thought, feeling, and action loop for decades.

And I judged and shamed myself for it which only kept me in that loop longer.

We’re so familiar with using judgment and shame to try to get the results we want but it never works in the long run and only causes harm.

Instead, consider trying a little compassion and curiosity. 

Those two valuable tools will help you see that your loops were just patterns, not representations of our worth because that’s immeasurable.

When you’re brave enough to look at your patterns and take small steps to tweak them, you’ll start changing them.

That’s the beauty of neuroplasticity. Which is defined as our brains ability and design to change and be rewired. We’re not meant to stay the same from the day we’re born. We’re meant to grow, change our minds (literally and figuratively!).

If you’re willing to be a little uncomfortable, you can have your favorite version of yourself and your life.

If you’re going to avoid said discomfort then you’re going to keep getting what you’ve always had because your loop isn’t gonna change itself.

Now knowing and seeing how I thought about myself, I can be compassionate with that younger version of myself who just wanted to feel important to someone and thought money and things were how you did that.

When there’s something in your life that’s causing pain and suffering, look at the thoughts you have about it first and write them down on a piece of paper.

Get them out of your head because they have less power when they aren’t swirling in your noggin. Ask yourself if they’re true? Are they provable in a court of law?

Then ask yourself what feelings those thoughts are creating.

And finally, what actions are you taking because of those feelings?

Please don’t let crappy thoughts continue to dim your awesomeness and light!

You were born to shine, thrive, and live an amazing life, however you decide to define that!

You’ve got this, Sunshine and I’ve always got your back!