Sabotage is biological
You’re cruising along, practicing being 1% more compassionate with yourself, deciding when you’re going to take your 3 weekly walks, ordering a few more veggies in your Instacart, looking at your calendar to give your new friend coffee date options…
And then you call yourself stupid, don’t put your shoes on, let the veggies spoil in the fridge, and don’t send your friend the dates you’re available.
Then the shame, blame, and the self-flagellation starts…
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I follow through with a simple fucking change?”
“I don’t deserve to have a better relationship, a healthier body, or time with my friends…”
“I suck and this is how my life is going to be until the day I die…”
Lemme answer those questions and show you the holes in those meany pants statements.
Nothing is wrong with you.
You are in the process of changing a pattern.
Brains don’t like change because they don’t have evidence that the thing is safe for you.
Your brain doesn’t know that walking 3 times a week won’t kill you.
It doesn’t know that you won’t get kicked out of your pack of people if you don’t go to a family function that slowly usually sucks the joy from your soul.
And it doesn’t have evidence that going to coffee with a new friend won’t result in uncomfortable feelings at first and that those feelings won’t be your untimely demise.
So you don’t do those things because your old patterns are familiar and strong and the new ones you want to make haven’t gained any traction.
THAT’S ALL THAT’S GOING ON!!
NOT ANY OF THE BULLSHIT AND MEAN STORIES YOU’VE CREATED ABOUT YOURSELF!
This is total neuroscience and biology.
You are not broken, a loser, a failure, or the exception to how brains normally work.
And if you’re willing to lighten the fuck up on yourself and be 1% open to this scientific fact, you can get the hell out of your own way and get going in the direction you wanna go.
And don’t you dare beat yourself up for not knowing this!
I didn’t learn this super helpful and life changing tidbit until I was 47.
We aren’t taught this for lots of reasons AND now that you know it, let’s move on.
Regret, dwelling on the past, and beating yourself up for not knowing it earlier will just keep you stuck, so don’t waste your precious life energy and time doing that either.
So you did the old thing, no big whoop.
Not even a small whoop.
The whoop is immeasurable.
Get back on the horse.
Grab your shoes.
Eat an apple.
Enforce the boundary and stay home.
Just keep at it.
Because you created the old pattern, THAT’S proof you can create a new one.
And sometimes we go back to the old pattern (aka sabotage ourselves) because it’s familiar and our brain registers familiar as safe.
So you’re not broken, it’s your primitive brain telling you bullshit stories TO TRY TO PROTECT YOU FROM SOMETHING IT DOESN’T HAVE A FRAME OF REFERENCE FOR.
And don’t get stuck on the story of, “Well that’s stupid why does it do that and how do I make it stop?!”
You don’t.
You see what’s going on and work WITH it instead of AGAINST IT.
Your brain is loving you and protecting you in the only way it knows how.
Now you know what’s going on, you’ve got the 411, you’re in on the truth, and now you can take a tiny kitten step to get you going in the direction you want instead of spinning your wheels in mud, snow, or your own bullshit.
Nothing is wrong with you.
You’re not broken.
My brain does exactly what yours does.
And I’ve changed so much of my life with this realization.
I don’t stay stuck in anxiety loops, I sleep better, I speak up for myself say “no thank you” without explanation for things I’m not into, I’m not using food, alcohol, or shopping to numb myself or fill hole that shit will never fill, and I’m living in this beautiful present moment instead of ruminating on the past or freaked out about the future.
None of this do I do 100% of the time because I’m human, but they’ve become my norm with practice and compassion because throwing myself under the bus and beating myself up just wasn’t getting me the results I wanted.
I believe in you!
You’re alive and on this planet for a very good reason!
Stop believing all your brain’s bullshit and take a kitten step in the direction of your favorite version of yourself!
You got this, Sunshine and I’ve always got your back!
