How to have less anxiety

Everyday we make lots of little choices that determine our baseline of fear and anxiety.

There’s a small little part of our brains called the amygdala that plays a big role in emotion and threat detection.

This little pair of small, almond-shaped structures detects danger, activates our fight/flight/ freeze responses, processes big emotions like fear, anger, and anxiety, and tags memories with emotion. For example, “That was really scary,” “This was super fun,” “I felt a lot of anxiety when I did that.”

Your amygdala is wicked fast and often has you reacting before your rational brain has a sec to process WTF is going on.

Our amygdala keeps us safe and alive but it can also keep you feeling anxious when there isn’t an actual threat. (I’m very familiar with this!)

I can also create strong emotional reactions when they’re not warranted and it can make some memories more vivid than others.

I often describe the amygdala as a smoke alarm.

And sometimes our alarm goes off when I’ve burnt toast, bacon, or there’s something in the bottom of the oven I didn’t clean off and it’s a little smokey. There isn’t a fire (thank God) but it’s going off like there is.

So when you avoid new or challenging things, you’re training your amygdala that it’s something to be afraid of.

You’re tagging that thing under the category of “fire,” when it’s actually “just smoke.”

And the more you avoid it the stronger the alarm when you think about doing it.

For example, I used to avoid starting conversations about my wants, needs, or preferences because they weren’t acknowledged in my home of origin. I thought the less I needed or wanted, the less likely people would be to leave me. I didn’t want to be a “burden.”

So I just went along with whatever movie, restaurant, or major life decision they wanted because of my fear of abandonment.

I trained my amygdala that having wants and needs was a threat and “fire level,” so it became scarier and more “threatening to my safety.” The tiniest little ask felt like I was trying to climb Mt. Everest in Birkenstocks and summer clothes.

With practice I was able to recalibrate my alarm’s sensitivity. 

I started by asking my wife to fill up my water bottle when she was going into the kitchen. I used to get up and do it because I was capable, and didn’t want to ask something of her.

As that became easier and I realized it was safe, I graduated to making suggestions for restaurants, shows to watch, and paint color options when we were repainting.

I have opinions, strong ones. I am a Taurus and German. 

But sometimes my amygdala’s alarm was going off unnecessarily and keeping me quiet and small when I didn’t need to be.

It’s pretty amazing to notice the rewiring that’s happened in my brain as I’ve practiced these little tweaks.

Things that felt monumental are almost second nature. And when I’m aware that my alarm is going off, I’ll ask myself if it’s smoke or a legit fire?

If it’s just smoke, which is the case 99.9% of the time, I can take a breath with a long exhale and decide how to respond instead of react.

Knowing about your amygdala, how it’s trying to help, and that you can recalibrate it is a huge step in getting you where you’d rather be!

Maybe you’d rather not feel a level 9 anxiety when you’re around people, maybe you’re exhausted from doing all the things for all the people and you’re ready to ask for a little help, or maybe you’d like to ask that cool person to coffee.

Here are some snacks for your nervous system to help recalibrate your amygdala:

* Breathe in for the count of 4 and out for 6. Extending your exhale signals to your nervous system that you’re safe.

* Notice 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Your amygdala can’t stay in panic mode when your attention is in the now.

* Name your emotions. I feel anxiety. I’m feeling frustrated. This is grief. Naming your emotions helps you see you are experiencing them, and that you are not them.

* Move your body. This engages both sides of your brain which disrupts anxiety’s hold. It also allows the energy to move through you instead of staying stuck by trying to think your way out of your situation.

Have a couple of these “snacks” throughout the day. Anchor them to stuff you’re already doing like going to the bathroom, brushing your teeth, being in your car, etc. You do not have to spend big chunks of time meditating or journaling unless you enjoy it . 

These snacks will move the needle and help you be able to navigate when life is lifey. 

They will recalibrate your amygdala so when there’s a little smoke, it won’t register as a 5-alarm fire.

I pinky promise!

These are the things I do as often as I remember and I am not the same person I was even 6 months ago.

You got this, Sunshine and I’ve always got your back!