How to stand up for yourself after the fact

Sometimes when I’m in social situations and someone says something rude or innapropraite to me, I’ll go into freeze mode or shock.

I’ll get the deer in the headlights look on my face or laugh it off in the moment.

Sometimes we’re not able to say something because of who the person is. Maybe it’s your boss or someone else that has power over you.

Or maybe someone said something hurtful or humiliating to you when you were younger and it pops in your head from time to time now.

It’s not too late to do what you wish you could have done in the moment.

It’s not always safe to respond at the time and that’s ok.

Here’s what you can do now, that’s as effective and healing.

Give yourself some time and space to do this practice and it won’t be a one-and-done practice because life and healing don’t work that way.

Close your eyes and go back to the situation that you want to “rewrite.”

Remind yourself that you won’t be staying there and you can come out of it at any point.

But this time, I want you to imagine the person you are right now, today, there too.

If you were little in the situation you’re going back to, encourage the younger version of you to stand behind today’s version of you. Tell them you’ve got them and that the other person can’t hurt you. You can also invite them to go play or go somewhere they feel safe.

I want you to say anything and everything to the person that hurt you.

Let it all out. There’s no need to hold back because they cannot hurt you today. You are taking your power back.

Tell them all the things you’ve ever relived in your brain and ruminated over in the shower or your car. Don’t hold back!

Because our subconscious doesn’t have a reference for time, it believes you are handling the situation in real time and you are literally rewriting your story.

Sometimes we’re able to tell the person our thoughts and feelings about what happened and you can work together to move forward even if your voice shakes.

Other times the person doesn’t have the emotional maturity, it’s not safe, or they’ve passed.

That’s ok, it’s not to late to stand up for yourself.

This isn’t an out or excuse for not speaking up. Listen to yourself and do what feels best.

I’ve done this practice and it works.

Is there a situation where you could use some rewriting? Here’s your tool.

You’ve got this, Sunshine and I’ve always got your back!