Stop trying to fix someone else’s emotions
You’re not responsible for changing or fixing someone else’s emotional state.
Especially if they’re an adult.
We’re all responsible for the energy we bring to an experience or situation.
A lot of people are emotional children walking around in adult bodies.
And when we try to fix, alter, or improve their mood you’re doing two harmful things.
First, you’re stunting their growth.
This is what my wife Sully would call productive struggle.
When we helicopter the people in our lives we take away the confidence and pride that comes with working through a situation.
Think about the times you’ve figured something out or completed a hard task. How did you feel about yourself after? Probably really good and maybe a little like a badass.
When we jump in, we rob people of that, which can turn into learned helplessness which is not pretty to witness.
It serves exactly no one to rescue them.
If they’re grown ass adults, show you believe in them by NOT trying to fix or rescue them from something as truly harmless as discomfort, uncertainty, or confusion.
Learn to sit with your discomfort…
Sure you can be a listening ear but don’t jump in to offer unsolicited advice or offer to fix the situation especially if they made the mess.
If someone’s in a pissy mood, you don’t have to fix it.
Let ‘em, and keep having your good ‘ol time.
Don’t let them rain on your parade or pee in your Cheerios.
And if they don’t pull the stick outta their ass, then you can kindly say something but it’s still not yours to fix.
The second harmful thing you’re doing when you try to fix someone’s sour mood is take on something that’s not yours.
It’s not your job, responsibility, task, fault, issue, problem, etc.
And when we take things on that aren’t ours, we waste our precious time and energy doing anything else under the sun that we’d really like to give our effort to.
I’ve gotten really clear over the last decade as to what’s mine and what’s not.
And I do little somatic (body) practices to amp up my feelings of inner safety and security so I’m less prone to “chase after them” and make sure they’re ok so I can feel ok.
Now I feel mostly ok most of the time regardless of what’s going on around me.
I’m not getting blown around and bogged down with every crisis, problem, issue, sour mood, etc.
When we do the inner work we get a little more comfortable with others’ discomfort and don’t feel quite so compelled to change, fix, or hover.
I can help you practice taking your sweet paws off what’s not truly yours so you can sprinkle your glitter and rainbows to your life’s lucky recipients!
You got this, Sunshine and I’ve always got your back!