Wishing someone was different

Women are conditioned to think we just need to keep doing more, being more, and THEN someone will notice, show up for us, change, or suddenly be different than they have for X number of months or years.

If we show them how hard we’re working, if we grind ourselves to the bone within a millimeter of losing our damn minds, or beg and plead louder or in a different way, THEN things will change and be better. 

We need to stop expecting “turtles to fly,” and take our power back.

If you’re about to turn blue in the face because you’re asking, begging, or pleading with someone/people to show up for you or change their unhealthy behavior, it’s time to pause.

If you’re bending over backwards ruminating over conversations you want to have or emails/texts you want to send and are trying to find just the right thing to say so they’ll finally get it and be different than they have, you’re probably wasting your time.

Hear me when I say there’re two broad camps.

The camp of, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and it’s time my kids/partner pick up some slack.” Totally makes sense and it’s time for a family meeting.

And the camp of, “I really wish my sister would finally see and hear how much I’m struggling with our family situation, and offer some support,” when she’s never done something like this in your whole lives but you keep trying to make her see the situation from your point of view. Spending hours trying to craft the “perfect” text so maybe it’ll happen this time.

I get the wish and desire to try to change someone and I’ve tried it many times!

My success rate is exactly 0% and I bet yours is too.

People change because they decide to, not because of your worth or value.

They don’t change because of their thoughts, not because of your worth or value.

If you’ve talked to them about the thing over and over and there’s been no change, then the ball is in your court and you have some decisions to make depending on the severity of the thing.

This is one of the hard things about being human and in relation with other humans.

But we have to decide if we’re going to let other people’s behavior dictate how we feel about ourselves and what our response is going to be.

I believe in you and I’ve always got your back, Sunshine!