Becoming someone who asks

Recovering ultra-independent woman here!

I used to hate feeling vulnerable and needing to ask anyone for anything.

It made me so uncomfortable. 

Like crawl-out-of-my-skin-uncomfortable.

I was afraid of hearing, “No,” because of all the things I made the “no” mean about me.

And I felt like I should be able to take care of everything without any help. Thank you patriarchy for contributing to women feeling this way. 

But holy smokes, that was a lonely way to live and it’s not humanly possible for us to do everything. 

I got tired of not letting people in. 

Of always trying to be the strong one who never needed anything.

I started slowly with small asks and they’ve grown and grown over the years.

Now I see myself as, “Someone who asks.”

I ask for help because it feels good to allow myself to be cared for.

I ask for mentorship because I don’t have all the answers.

I asked for a full refund from a service provider today because, come to find out, they did not complete the service and I wasn’t going to be screwed out of hundreds of dollars. And they said yes! They agreed, and we’ll be getting our money back.

I won’t always hear, “Yes,” for a lot of reasons, and that’s ok.

A “no” doesn’t mean what it used to. There can still be a little sting, but I will survive.

But the most important thing is that, “I’m someone who asks.”